At a rally in Pennsylvania today, President Trump unveiled a new item in his official Trump Store, www.TrumpedUp.gov. “This is gonna fly off the shelves!” claimed the president. “It’s fashionable; it’s healthy; it’s only $39.95 with your MAGA membership!” He reached into a box, lifted out something very shiny, and placed it delicately on his head. “The new MAGA hat!...
“We’re not the only country who’s had a problem finding suitable places to export unwanted people,” said President Trump at Monday’s Press Conference. “Take Britain, for example, our mother country. They had problems with some lowlifes – criminals, drunkards, prostitutes. What’d they do? Shipped ‘em all out to Australia! Miles and miles of empty space. They built a whole country...
Demonstrating his profile pattern of reneging on established contracts, President Trump met today with the American Business Roundtable to gloat about his recent investment in Intel, the American chip manufacturer. “I froze the $8.9 billion in grants they already received in the CHIPS Act and Defense spending. Then I let ‘em sweat. They finally came back to the table and...
President Trump today called for the renaming of the Washington and Lincoln monuments during a press briefing at the White House. The historic buildings, icons of American democracy and resilience, will be named after the president’s two older sons. “This will be great!” he said. “It will add to the greatness of America, our great country.” Trump showed a mock-up...
On Friday, FBI agents searched the home and office locations of a former National Security Advisor in President Trump’s first term for evidence of classified files. “We have reason to believe that Mr. Bolton has in his possession certain files with Top Secret classifications,” said Special Agent Ron McDonald. “If he has them, we want them.” Possession of such files...
“This has got to stop. Somebody’s got to say, ‘Enough already!’ That somebody is me!” When confused reporters on the South Lawn of the White House asked what he was talking about, President Trump replied, “All these foreign names! Why do we have cities with the ‘San’ this and ‘Las’ that? San Diego, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Los Angeles. We’ve...
In an exemplary application of the business skills acquired over decades, President Trump has pressed a shakedown of two of America’s most successful chipmakers. Nvidia and AMD will both be passing 15% of their AI chip revenue from China to the US government. In exchange, the Trump Administration’s Commerce Department will reissue the export licenses it canceled in April. “This...
Responding to widespread criticism of its latest gerrymandering effort, Texas Republicans once again offered a revised map for the US House of Representatives voting districts for the 2026 mid-terms. Rep. John Grisel, sponsor of the measure, explained the rationale. “Okay whiners, we’ve made it really simple for you: three large urban districts and 35 rural ones, emphasizing the boundless stretches...
The Supreme Court acknowledged today the remodeling of the Court building to include a special access corridor for Emergency Applications from the Trump Administration. “They’re coming so fast and furious that we needed a clear path for the sheer deluge,” explained Jason Slipstream of the Court’s operations group. “To avoid the ever-present gaggle of reporters outside, we’ve positioned a taco...