
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia made an unexpected demand today, calling on Russian President Vladimir Putin to “release the tapes!” The long-time Trump supporter appeared suddenly willing to counter the President after announcing her imminent retirement from Congress, a move political analysts are calling “the courage of someone with nothing left to lose.” Greene pressed her demand at a...

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy responded enthusiastically to President Trump’s Peace Plan today, accepting every item while proposing minor adjustments to demonstrate “true partnership solidarity.” “We welcome this opportunity for peace and appreciate that the United States views Ukraine as an equal partner in attaining this goal,” Zelenskyy wrote in a letter released Thursday morning. “Therefore, we suggest the following revisions...

Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr. yesterday announced plans for a massive amusement and luxury complex in the Saudi-allied nation of Duhai, featuring gold-plated roller coasters connecting dome towers that lean at “architecturally daring” angles. “Think of an Arabian Vegas,” explained Trump Jr. at the unveiling, featuring a city rendering with Trump flags outnumbering actual buildings three-to-one. The $63 billion...

Five thousand hungry Americans gathered on the Ellipse yesterday after President Trump promised “a miracle” on Truth Social. Trump appeared in a brown robe—”100% Egyptian cotton, very expensive”—and approached the microphone. “You’re starving. The fake news won’t tell you, but I’m here to save you. I am your Profit! Just like in the Bible, you will have loaves and fishes!”...

**WASHINGTON** — President Trump boasted today about a cerebral examination in which he proclaimed unqualified victory, telling gathered reporters that he had achieved “marks so high, so incredible, that the testing professors wept at witnessing such raw intellectual dominance.” The assessment was said to include 20 questions. Per official White House policy, the ones he missed were not to be...

President Trump today announced the cancellation of tariff negotiations with Canada, apparently in response to an advertisement the Province of Ontario ran in U.S. markets. The ad ran clips of President Ronald Reagan lambasting tariffs as counterproductive to America’s economic growth. Last Tuesday, Trump mentioned the ad and said, “If I was Canada, I’d take that same ad also.” In...

“We’re finally doing something about this. Soon, the White House and entire Executive Branch will be SAFE!” texted the President on Truth Social. His response to criticism about demolishing an established part of American history fell flat. “It’s so large in comparison to the rest of the White House that it looks like a cancerous growth threatening to overwhelm the...

From high in the White House, President Trump hailed the thousands of people gathered outside his gated entry, past the Ellipse, and continuing to the National Mall. “Thank you, patriots! This looks to be the biggest rally I’ve had so far. Biggest in our country’s history!” It didn’t matter to him that the people in the distance couldn’t hear him....

“Have they announced it yet? Did I get it?” President Trump asked his Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt, for the third time this morning. “Not yet, Mr. President. But any minute now. I don’t see how the Nobel Committee could possibly conclude otherwise.” An aide rushed in, clutching a printout. Trump snatched the paper and read aloud: “‘Trump No-Bell Prize.’ Finally!...