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Making Sense of American Politics
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January 4, 2026/
Senator Chuck Schumer, Minority Leader in the U.S. Senate, had firm words for the Republican majority in Congress: “Curb your dog!” After the surprise attack on Caracas, Venezuela in the nighttime hours, Schumer visibly threw up his hands and cried, “What’s next? Colombia? Cuba? St. Kitts? He needs Congressional approval to start a war against a foreign nation! What the...
December 5, 2025/
In a dimly lit room on K Street, Washington D.C., a small cluster of well suited men wandered a room, all smiles. “Finally! Finally we get approval of what we all knew: politics is, by it's very nature and definition, partisan! Another Johnny Walker!” says one overweight fellow. “Wait. Aren’t we're supposed to be working on a bipartisan platform, together,...
December 4, 2025/
On Friday, the government of Honduras issued arrest warrants for Juan Hernandez, former president and convicted drug smuggler, and his accomplice Donald J. Trump, currently the American president. “Hernandez is worse than the cartels for the damage he has done to our country,” said Honduran Attorney General Johel Zelaya. “We were content with his incarceration in the United States. Then...
December 3, 2025/
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia made an unexpected demand today, calling on Russian President Vladimir Putin to “release the tapes!” The long-time Trump supporter appeared suddenly willing to counter the President after announcing her imminent retirement from Congress, a move political analysts are calling “the courage of someone with nothing left to lose.” Greene pressed her demand at a...
November 23, 2025/
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy responded enthusiastically to President Trump’s Peace Plan today, accepting every item while proposing minor adjustments to demonstrate “true partnership solidarity.” “We welcome this opportunity for peace and appreciate that the United States views Ukraine as an equal partner in attaining this goal,” Zelenskyy wrote in a letter released Thursday morning. “Therefore, we suggest the following revisions...
November 16, 2025/
Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr. yesterday announced plans for a massive amusement and luxury complex in the Saudi-allied nation of Duhai, featuring gold-plated roller coasters connecting dome towers that lean at “architecturally daring” angles. “Think of an Arabian Vegas,” explained Trump Jr. at the unveiling, featuring a city rendering with Trump flags outnumbering actual buildings three-to-one. The $63 billion...
November 10, 2025/
Five thousand hungry Americans gathered on the Ellipse yesterday after President Trump promised “a miracle” on Truth Social. Trump appeared in a brown robe—”100% Egyptian cotton, very expensive”—and approached the microphone. “You’re starving. The fake news won’t tell you, but I’m here to save you. I am your Profit! Just like in the Bible, you will have loaves and fishes!”...
October 28, 2025/
**WASHINGTON** — President Trump boasted today about a cerebral examination in which he proclaimed unqualified victory, telling gathered reporters that he had achieved “marks so high, so incredible, that the testing professors wept at witnessing such raw intellectual dominance.” The assessment was said to include 20 questions. Per official White House policy, the ones he missed were not to be...
October 25, 2025/
President Trump today announced the cancellation of tariff negotiations with Canada, apparently in response to an advertisement the Province of Ontario ran in U.S. markets. The ad ran clips of President Ronald Reagan lambasting tariffs as counterproductive to America’s economic growth. Last Tuesday, Trump mentioned the ad and said, “If I was Canada, I’d take that same ad also.” In...
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- February 3, 2026