“Mr. Worthingless, you expect me to believe any of these incredible excuses for non-compliance with the court?” said Maryland federal judge, Joni Mitchell.
“Yes, your honor. The Administration can do nothing to return Mr. Abrego Garcia to the United States. It’s beyond our control.”
Visibly irritated, Judge Mitchell responded with incredulity. “So let me summarize your ‘Aw, gee, there’s nothing we can do now” arguments since seizing and deporting this man without arrest, trial, or sufficient evidence to warrant detainment.
“You put him on a plane after you’ve been ordered to stay any deportation. You refuse to turn the plane around after another judicial order, supposedly because you cannot command your own pilots to change the course of your own airplane once over international waters. Then, after ignoring clear judicial directives, you land in El Salvador and have him dumped into a prison along with dozens of other seized individuals who have been denied legal process. Have I got that right?”
“Well, technically yes, but … .”
“’Yes indeed.’ Then you have the gall to claim that you have no influence, no diplomacy to ask for his return from a government who has just agreed to take hundreds of prisoners at your beck and call.”
“They’re a sovereign nation, your honor. We can’t just … .”
“You can’t just coerce a sovereign nation to do your bidding? What do you think you’ve just done, Mr. Worthingless?”
“Taking a prisoner there back to the United States would be bringing in a foreign terrorist!”
“He wasn’t a terrorist when he was here and he lives in Maryland. And your administration has admitted he was deported in an “administrative error” – your administration’s error. Why won’t you fix this egregious violation of our country’s laws?”
“Well, forgive me for saying this, but the Executive Branch must conduct its business without the interference of local judges here and there.”
“’Local judges here and there?’ Our orders have been validated all the way to the Supreme Court! There is no higher jurisdiction. There is no further appeal. Bring this man back!”
“Your honor, respectfully, we need more time to explore how to do that.”
“Mr. Worthingless, two days ago you said the Executive Branch will determine its own way to address this issue without interference from the court. Now you say you are incapable of resolving this problem of your own creation?”
“Yes, your honor. I’m afraid we’re in an impossible situation.”
“Well then, I will give you time to ponder this impossibility, in jail for contempt of court. Bailiff! Remove this man to our own detention.”
“But your honor! I’m an attorney!”
“Don’t worry, Mr. Worthingless. We’ll figure this out, given time. I’ll send a letter to the Attorney General and mention that you’re incarcerated. We’ll talk about what we can or cannot do to free you. But I’ll warn you, a situation of this kind, of your own creation, could take quite a while to resolve. In the meantime, I believe the matter of Mr. Abrego Garcia falls to your co-counsel, let’s see, Mr. Escusito. You’re next. And this had better be good! Actually, it had better be better.”
