From high in the White House, President Trump hailed the thousands of people gathered outside his gated entry, past the Ellipse, and continuing to the National Mall. “Thank you, patriots! This looks to be the biggest rally I’ve had so far. Biggest in our country’s history!” It didn’t matter to him that the people in the distance couldn’t hear him.
To the Cabinet members and advisors gathered around him, he proclaimed a new political vigor in America. “Just look at those crowds, all cheering for me to be proclaimed King, King of America! Look at those signs. They want me to be the King, the one and only King! No other kings, no leaders but me!”
Josh McTentative, a White House aide, drew up beside the president and whispered. “Mr. President, I believe those rally-goers you see are actually protesting against your administration. They oppose some of your actions.” Hesitating as Trump stood silent, McTentative added, “The bold, strong actions to make America great, even greater.”
Trump eyed his aide, then said, “Josh, you clearly don’t know how to read a crowd. I’ve been speaking to crowds for decades. I KNOW that this crowd is calling me to a higher office. And what’s higher than a president? A King!” He turned back toward the crowd streaming as far as he could see. His back to his aide, he said, “You may leave us; and when I say ‘leave,’ I mean ‘you’re fired!’”
Stephen Miller, Deputy Chief of Staff and Deportation Minister and Marco Rubio, Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, and Trump-Whisperer quickly appeared at Trump’s side. “Insolent brat!” Miller grunted.
“Clearly a misguided youth who has been influenced by leftist ramblings on the Internet,” said Rubio. “You ARE the only leader the American people want. So it’s only right that your country calls you to the lonely but dedicated role of monarch. You should be King!”
“Absolutely!” crowed Miller. “Turn on FOX NEWS. They’ll confirm the patriotic support of these rally-goers.”
Listening closely to all this was Karoline Leavitt, Press Secretary and Chief Explainer, her phone already dialing the producers at FOX. “Heads up!” she whispered. “The headlines should read ‘Americans Rally Nationwide for Trump to Reign as the Only King!’ Lead with ‘King of America!’”
Lost in thought, Trump whispered, “Now I won’t have to claim National Security to set tariffs. I’ll be able to tax anyone I want! I’ll be the friggin’ King! Ha!”
The would-be King walked over to the Resolute Desk and opened a lower drawer. He withdrew a golden, bejeweled crown. In an uncharacteristically soft voice, he said, “I’ve waited a long time to wear this.” He fit it snugly over his toupee.