“We’re finally doing something about this. Soon, the White House and entire Executive Branch will be SAFE!” texted the President on Truth Social.
His response to criticism about demolishing an established part of American history fell flat. “It’s so large in comparison to the rest of the White House that it looks like a cancerous growth threatening to overwhelm the entire complex,” said Jason Rightwaith, Senior Partner at RightSize, a Virginia architectural firm.
“They promised not to demolish the East Wing!” lamented Arthur Centurion, Professor of History at Indiana State. “Teddy Roosevelt first built there in 1902. Franklin Roosevelt enlarged it and added the security bunker in 1942. Now it’s all gone!”
Trump said in a press conference that the building was being reconstructed to provide emergency security, giving him authority to bypass Congress. “We can’t wait for that. It’s a matter of National Security, just like all my other Executive Orders.”
“You already had a bunker underneath the East Wing and the Situation Room in the West Wing,” said Congressman Fluster Macintac. “Who needs a 90,000 square foot ballroom?”
“Me,” Trump replied.
“You can’t shelter like past presidents?”
“The food’s not so good over there. During an extended emergency, I’ll need good meals and snacks to make the best decisions. Good snacks, good decisions!”
“$230 million for snacks?”
Trump motioned to Security. As Macintac was escorted out, Trump called after him: “And you’re definitely not invited to the parties!”
The new ballroom is scheduled to open in time for the 2026 midterms. McDonald’s has already submitted a catering bid.