Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr. yesterday announced plans for a massive amusement and luxury complex in the Saudi-allied nation of Duhai, featuring gold-plated roller coasters connecting dome towers that lean at “architecturally daring” angles.
“Think of an Arabian Vegas,” explained Trump Jr. at the unveiling, featuring a city rendering with Trump flags outnumbering actual buildings three-to-one.
The $63 billion project—funded entirely by Dex Global, a Saudi state-affiliated investment firm—will transform the historic town of Diridion into what developers call “a superlatively indulgent luxury destination for wealthy sycophants worldwide.”
“The Trump brand is synonymous with excellence, gold toilets, and knowing which foreign governments to befriend,” said Ahmed bin Rashid, Dex Global’s CEO, bowing slightly as he spoke. “We are honored to pay the Trump Organization massive licensing fees for the privilege of using the name.”
When asked about potential conflicts of interest—given that President Trump is actively negotiating Middle East policy while his family cashes Saudi checks—White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt flippantly dismissed concerns.
“President Trump has nothing to do with this,” Leavitt insisted. “He’s completely uninvolved. He just approves the designs, suggests the gold-to-marble ratios, and texts Jared daily about progress. But legally? Totally separate. The Trump Organization handles everything.”
She added that the President remains “an astute businessman” despite his supposed non-involvement, and that White House staff are “energized by the ebullient optimism” Trump’s business dealings effuse.
The city’s official name remains undecided. White House staff betting book has narrowed finalists to “Trump-o-rama,” “Trumpicity,” and “Trump-Trump-And-Away,” though a late entry—”Definitely Not a Bribe”—is gaining internal support.
Congressional Democrats announced they would investigate the deal. Congressional Republicans announced they would investigate the investigators. Senate Majority Leader John Thune said, “What? Who cares?!”
Saudi officials confirmed they’ve already reserved the complex’s largest ballroom for the 2026 G7 Summit, which President Trump plans to host there. “It’s the perfect venue,” Trump posted on Truth Social. “Beautiful country. Great people. Very generous. Gave me a sword once. Glowed in the dark!”
The Saudi Foreign Ministry noted that final permitting for the project depends on “continued strong U.S. support for regional initiatives,” including $8 billion in pending arms sales.
Construction begins immediately. The first Trump Tower is expected to lean at a 23-degree angle, which architects insist is “intentional” and “very stable, probably.”
1 Comment
I’m FIRST?! Man! As I told you, Jim, I loved the piece! But, always a “but,” I’m most pissed off about that sword that glows in the dark! Fer crissake! I mean! A solid gold sword is one thing, that’d be better than a golden toilet, but one that fuckin’ GLOWS IN THE DARK!! That SHOULD go in the Smithsonian––with him holding it.