“This has got to stop. Somebody’s got to say, ‘Enough already!’ That somebody is me!”
When confused reporters on the South Lawn of the White House asked what he was talking about, President Trump replied, “All these foreign names! Why do we have cities with the ‘San’ this and ‘Las’ that? San Diego, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Los Angeles. We’ve got to clean this up. American cities should have American names!
“What about Minnesota? Or Minneapolis?” asked a journalist from the Star Tribune. “Are you going to change Baton Rouge to Red Stick?” said a second from the Times-Picayune/Advocate. Shouted names erupted from the crowded room.
“Calm down,” said Trump. “We can do this state-by-state.”
“How ‘bout Louisiana, named after King Louis XIV of France in 1682?” said a third.
“The French! Don’t get me started,” replied Trump. “We’ve got to change them all. I’ve put out a mandate through the Department of Education Residual Staff to have a contest in all the Elementary Schools in these cities to come up with American-sounding names. We should have this done instantly. Or earlier.”
A reporter from the Cayo Hueso Tribune asked, “What about Mar-a-Lago?”
Trump hesitated, then said conclusively: “This press conference is over.”
