Senator Chuck Schumer, Minority Leader in the U.S. Senate, had firm words for the Republican majority in Congress: “Curb your dog!”
After the surprise attack on Caracas, Venezuela in the nighttime hours, Schumer visibly threw up his hands and cried, “What’s next? Colombia? Cuba? St. Kitts? He needs Congressional approval to start a war against a foreign nation! What the fuck?!”
Majority leaders in both the House and Senate appeared content to let the dice roll as President Trump stunned the world with a brazen act of military violence. Charges of drug smuggling and various conspiracies against the Venezuelan president seemed laughably thin, far from the gravity that would be required to justify an invasion to Congress.
“The president has broad authority in matters of national security,” said Speaker Mike Johnson, reading carefully from a notecard. “Also, Venezuela has oil, and the president mentioned something about a Trump Tower Caracas, so there may be synergies.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene, retiring member of the House, conjectured that Trump’s next move might be to attack Epstein’s Island, purportedly to control evidence in the ongoing investigation. When reporters informed her that Little St. James was located within the U.S. Virgin Island chain and already under American control, she bristled. “That’s all I ever get from you: nickpicking criticism. On Monday, I’m outta here, and good riddance!”
Trump defended the invasion on Truth Social: “Venezuela BEGGED for American help! Literally begging! Their president is a drug dealer (not as bad as Hunter Biden but close!). We’re liberating them. Also, their beaches are INCREDIBLE.”
Senator Schumer summarized the Democratic response. “Clearly, Congress is AWOL on this. Or maybe its members are still hiding under their desks from the last outrageous violation of governmental norms. Republicans, this is on you! Curb your dog!”
Sighing, he added, “At the very least, clean up the messes he’s leaving everywhere.”