In a rare appearance in the White House Rose Garden, currently being torn out and redone by First Lady Melania as part of her Be Best for America campaign, President Trump updated the press on preparations for the military parade set for June 14th. “This will be one of the greatest parades in America! We will honor all those losers, er, the ones who lost their lives, and the others who still lived, or are still alive, or maybe died later, serving their country to make it great again. Like me.”
“Coincidentally, it also happens to be my birthday. So I guess I’ll get a piece of cake or something.” Members of the press asked him to comment about the protests planned throughout the country for that day.
“There will be no protests. I won’t allow it. We will not tolerate such insubordination, not on my birthday, and, of course, on this solemn day honoring our great army. 250 years! They were going to have some small thing, a few hundred soldiers walking around the National Mall. I said no, that’s not right. So now we’ll have thousands! And tanks! When was the last time you ever saw tanks rolling down the streets of D.C.? I’ll tell you: never! This is gonna be great! Just you wait and see.”
