President Trump’s recent debacle sending migrants to Guantanamo prison, only to return them to the United States days later at a $16 million cost, has a new twist. On his social media site at 4:15 a.m., the president wrote, “NEW USE FOR GITMO! No more illegal criminals from other countries. We’re going to send illegal, immoral, criminal U.S. prosecutors, judges, and political cronies. Enemies from within!”
In the morning press briefing at the White House, questions were raised regarding the targets implied in Trump’s message. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt responded, “The President has previously spoken about ‘Enemies from Within;’ I refer you to those earlier comments for clarification.”
Asked whether this plan was an off-the-cuff comment or a longer-term White House political strategy, she replied, “Longer-term positioning statements are the domain of the White House Office of Communications. You may seek comment there.” As more hands in the press briefing raised, she concluded. “That’s all for today.”
Steven Cheung, White House Communications Director, was met by a gaggle of reporters as he left conferences in the Senate Office Building at noon. Asked about the legitimacy of using Guantanamo for political retribution, he answered, “Guantanamo is still considered U.S. territory, so it’s perfect for detaining criminals who pose a flight risk. It’s off the mainland, but still within our jurisdiction. Detention there will keep these dangerous leftist radical psuedo-terrorists from causing more trouble at home while their cases are litigated.”
Shouting ensued requesting clarification of who would be psuedo-deported. “Who are you arresting?” “Will any actual charges be filed?” “How long will these citizens be detained without legal representation?”
Director Cheung responded by waving his hands dismissively. “Calm down. Guantanamo has a well known protocol for adjudicating cases of terrorism. All defendants will have the opportunity to be heard, eventually. Besides, it’s in the middle of the Caribbean! People pay to go to those islands. It’ll be an unmerited vacation for these scoundrels, and we’ll have nullified the terrible impact they might have on this administration – er, this country.”
