Demonstrating his profile pattern of reneging on established contracts, President Trump met today with the American Business Roundtable to gloat about his recent investment in Intel, the American chip manufacturer. “I froze the $8.9 billion in grants they already received in the CHIPS Act and Defense spending. Then I let ‘em sweat. They finally came back to the table and agreed to give up 10% to restart the money flow. Can you believe it? We got 10% of the company, for nothing!”
Business leaders in the audience offered polite if unenthusiastic applause. One CEO asked about the scope of government investments. “Given the 15% cut of China sales by Nvidia and AMD, as well as this equity stake in Intel, are you signaling a focus primarily on American chipmakers?”
“I hadn’t thought about it, but you bring up a good point. Why not our automakers? Instead of just tariffing foreign car makers, I could demand a share of American manufacturers too! We’ll get ‘em coming and going!” exclaimed Trump.
“That’s socialism!” shouted someone in the audience. Mumbling and muted laughter followed.
“Not if I do it. It’s a savvy business deal. You’ll recoup the payments in the BBB extended tax write-offs and incremental sales. Think of it: you’ll have the U.S. government as your partner!”
Jason Robbed of the American Independent Business Association asked for details on the expected shakedown. “For our planning purposes, can you give us an idea about how much we should budget for government graft, er, that is, payments?”
“I’ll get as much as I can! Why not? We have to fund the government somehow, especially now that our tax funding is diving.” Trump spread his hands and continued. “Elon could only do so much on savings. Now we need direct revenue. Think of it as paying a little tax up front.”
“Any more questions? No? Let me tell ‘ya, you guys are so much more understanding than a room full of reporters.” He laughed. In a moment of apparent reflection, he added, “I’m gonna have the new BBB Tax write-offs paid for before the end of this term! I’m really getting the hang of this!”