President Trump today called for the renaming of the Washington and Lincoln monuments during a press briefing at the White House. The historic buildings, icons of American democracy and resilience, will be named after the president’s two older sons. “This will be great!” he said. “It will add to the greatness of America, our great country.”
Trump showed a mock-up of the new facades. “To keep it short and simple, I’ve named them T1 and T2. Washington was first, so Don Junior gets that one.” Asked what prompted the action, Trump talked about resolving the political in-fighting in America. “We’ve got to keep the noise level down so I can concentrate on running the country, the economy, my crypto investments. This should keep the kids quiet. They’ve been clamoring for more attention since I named the Kennedy Center after Melania.”
“What about Ivanka?” asked a reporter from the Sun, Moon, & Star Gazette.
“Oh, geez! Well, she’s got the China trade deal from my first administration. She should be happy with that.”
“How about Baron?” asked another reporter.
“And Tiffany?” asked a third.
With that, President Trump threw up his hands, retreated toward the West Wing, and said to his Press Secretary, “Karoline, take care of this!”